If you’re like most of us mere mortals, you are inexorably drawn to the energy, the magnetism of certain people and you chalk it up to charisma. A few lucky souls seem to wander the planet simply exuding some ineffable attracting force, and the rest of us are drawn happily into their orbit with silly smiles and bright eyes. Here’s the newsflash: charisma, that dynamic personal magnetism that is so exhilarating to be around, can be developed. While it appears elusive and unachievable, nothing could be further from the truth. Charisma is not based on genetics, IQ, social position or luck. Just like patience, empathy, listening, and many other skills, charisma can be developed and nurtured and even mastered. Even JFK, who certainly exuded extraordinary charisma worked consciously and carefully to craft his style and ‘presence.’ Apparently before running for president, he even commissioned a study to determine the most effective handshake! (Just in case you’re curious: strong clasp with right hand, three vigorous pumps, left hand coming under to support the shake so that the visitor’s hand is essentially held between your right and left hands. And unbreakable eye contact.)

So what’s the real value of charisma? Why read about it, think about it, spend the energy to work on it? The bottom line is that charisma gives you a tremendous advantage in almost any situation—whether you are running a corporation, a department, a classroom, a volunteer program, or a household. Charismatic people inspire others, ignite their enthusiasm and persuade others to their own point of view. Because people are drawn to them, feel comfortable and at ease in their presence and consequently want to help them, people who exude this dramatic personal magnetism have more success accomplishing their personal and professional goals. So where can you get this magic elixir? While some of us may be innately more charismatic than others, and while few of us will ever have the incandescent pull of a Julia Roberts or a Bill Clinton, there are certain things each of us can do increase our ability to make others delighted to be in our presence. • Expect to be valued and accepted not only by your peers but also by your superiors. Remember that people who out-rank you, out-fame you and out-wealth you are just people. So neither fawn over status nor be fearful of it. Be yourself, engage in conversation. Expect that they will enjoy your company, ideas, opinions and conversation. If they don’t, be sensitive and back off just as you would with anyone. • Convey optimism. Nobody likes a glump! Make the conscious decision to embody a positive attitude. When you walk into a room, join in a conversation or pick up the phone, invest the necessary energy to make others smile. A smile is an irresistible thing—it is very hard not to smile back! And when people smile, they feel good. And when people smile with you, they associate good feelings with… you got it, you! • Be aware of your body. Don’t slouch, don’t cross your arms defensively over your chest, don’t avoid eye contact, don’t storm around, don’t cower on the sidelines. Instead, make the most of your physical self. Stand up straight, hold your tummy in, relax your shoulders, breathe deeply. People draw huge, fast and unconscious conclusions based on visual cues. So you must be conscious to provide the visual cues that you want them to receive. • Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in motion. Words are very powerful, so use them carefully. Better to be thoughtful than to be brash, to be curious than demanding, to ask questions and confirm that you have the whole picture before you slam into a conversation with unwarranted certainty. • S L O W down. The simplest way to convey confidence and assure those around you that you are confident and competent is to slow down. Don’t pace, stop jittering your leg (you know who you are!), don’t pick at your nails. Speak with ease and at a comfortable pace. Speedy talkers do not inspire confidence because they often seem nervous and scared as if they must speak at this pace to hold their listener’s attention. (It goes without saying that you must know what you are talking about!) • Listen up! Nothing attracts another more to us than the belief that we are truly listening to them. Practice dynamic, reflective listening. Practice being more curious about what they have to say than in hearing your own voice. Never interrupt. Don’t fidget and glance at your watch. If you don’t have time for an important conversation, say “now’s not a good time and I know how important it is for us to talk about this. Can we schedule a time for this conversation?” • Become a dynamic and powerful public speaker. There is no better way to communicate your vision, your ideas or your passions than through your words. Written communications will never hold a candle to the power of a passionate individual engaging one or many live and in person. If it scares you to speak in front of a group, get yourself to a toastmaster group and learn the basics of persuasion and excellent presentation. Whether your opportunities to practice exist in business meetings, in volunteer organizations or at your own dinner table, practice finding better and better ways to say what you mean and get others to sit up and take note. Have fun practicing and strengthening these skills. I can’t promise that the red carpet will be rolled out and camera flashes will surround your every move—but frankly, doesn’t that sound ghastly? What I can tell you, is that if you work consciously to strengthen these skills, you will notice a change over time. You will feel better about yourself, others will pick up on your confidence and ease and take what you think and say more seriously.