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“In
true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.”
In the last couple of months as I’ve worked to give clients tools for leading generative conversations, I’ve realized that for many of them, happening into a powerful conversation is a bit like finding a diamond in the sand. They know a treasure when they see one, but have no way to recreate the experience and discover another diamond. There are
several other conversational models that are easily and often
experienced, but the generative conversation remains elusive. Take a look at the list below to get your bearings
on what’s common at your workplace and where you naturally
default. Combat Discussions – These conversations are marked by advocacy instead of curiosity about another’s perspective. They are competitive—someone wins and someone doesn’t. Combat discussion participants rely on soft data and implied reasoning. You know the conversation is complete when either your chest is puffed out or your tail is slung between your legs. Skillful Conversation – These are conversations where we rely on data and good old fashioned analysis to get answers to problems. The exchanges are marked by the sharing of observable data, by explicit reasoning and by productive inquiry. We use Skillful Conversations to good effect in solving a problem at hand and in understanding the complexities of a given situation. Reflective Dialogue – We’re moving toward the gold standard here. These conversations are almost as good as it gets. Here, parties are open to restructuring underlying thinking, to clarifying the choices that are available and to finding and surfacing deep questions that invite more profound thinking. Generative Dialogue – These conversations are as good as human discussion ever gets because in these exchanges underlying thinking about an issue or problem or opportunity is truly recreated. Generative dialogue is where true wisdom emerges and where the insight and power of the conversation produces a shared compulsion to act. Teams that lack the know-how to engage in reflective and generative dialogue will consistently produce unexceptional thinking. They are stuck in a closed loop where opposers of fresh thinking are either consistently shut down or dominate the discourse. In both situations, habituated behavior prevails and the best we can expect is good, solid thinking that builds predictably on old foundations. The skills that invite reflective and generative dialogue have more to do with curiosity than with certainty. To step into this territory, we must be willing to suspend or own beliefs and be eager and open to being changed by someone else’s thinking. At the end of a generative conversation, you are different than you were at the beginning. There are four key practices essential for powerful dialogue.
Marrying all four of these essential skills in the heat, energy and dynamism of a live conversation is a challenge no doubt. And your teammates need to play by the same rules so that an opening for really fresh thinking is possible. You may want to share this newsletter with your team and begin the practice of creating conversations that change thinking and create such compelling clarity that aligned action becomes inevitable.
The
best leaders of all, the people know not they exist. Dina
Silver, MCC, is the Principal of Pegasus Coaching Group.
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Most
of us think a conversation is pretty good if we get the chance
to articulate a thought without interruption and without the ubiquitous “yeah,
buts…” that are the verbal death knell to fresh thinking
and unexpected ideas. But truly great dialogue—the
kind where your thinking has been altered and enlarged, where you
end up far from where you started and may not even recognize the
terrain – is marked by far more than good etiquette—and
it is a rare bird indeed.
