Have you ever watched a friend or a colleague handle a complex or uncomfortable situation perfectly and wished you could channel the skill of theirs that serves them so well and which gives you such trouble? Maybe they’re bold and unafraid to speak their mind, maybe it’s their patience and calm that you covet or perhaps it’s their political savvy and comfort with influencing others to their point of view. Every single one of us could happily ‘shop’ for a few personality traits that we know could help us immeasurably in our daily lives – but where’s the store?

Sometimes when I’m working with a client we’ll recognize that their natural style is a poor match for the situation in which they find themselves. Incredibly shy people may have a hard time communicating disagreement, negotiating on their own behalf, speaking convincingly to a group; careful, cautious people are usually risk averse and may find themselves digging in just when they should be leaping out; competitive, fast-moving men and women may fail to subject an idea to sufficient scrutiny so eager are they to move from thought into action. Because it’s so much easier to hold a concrete image in our mind’s eye than to remember an abstract concept, I began asking clients to select an animal which embodied the traits he or she needed to possess. My instructions were simple: bring the animal to mind next time you need it. Well, over the years clients have relied on lions for boldness and invincibility, on puppies for playfulness and fun, on cats for dignity and comfort with solitude. In fact, whenever I ask someone what kind of an animal would naturally handle the current situation with ease and grace, the answer comes back fast and certain: most people are very clear about the skills they need and about what those skills look like when successfully applied. Because certain animals are almost icons for specific human traits – in our minds dogs are loyal, monkeys are curious, lions are fearless… – I hadn’t been surprised for a while. But this changed about a month ago. I was working with a client who recognized he was unduly concerned with following rules and with rewarding obedience among his staff. We talked about what this was costing him professionally and he realized that his fear of breaking the mold inhibited creative problem solving and caused his peers and supervisors to seem him as a small player. Scott reminded himself of an old fashioned librarian who is more concerned about silence in the library than about the reading and learning that probably drew her to books in the first place. He laughed at himself, but he wasn’t too happy with his comparison. Though Scott knew just what he didn’t want to be like, he had a hard time articulating and isolating the particular qualities he actively wished to develop in himself. I asked him to choose an animal and he didn’t even hesitate: “Oh, if I could be more like an octopus, I’d have it made,” he said with total certainty. Scott proceeded to tell me all about this eight-legged wonder of the sea: • The octopus has eight tentacles that are lined with suckers that can "taste" sweet, sour or bitter, or feel if something is rough or smooth. The quality my client coveted: sensitivity to his environment and the skill to process this information wisely. • The giant octopus has by far the largest mental capacity of any invertebrate and has both long and short-term memories. They learn through trial and error—but once they’ve learned something, they never forget it. Scott appreciated the perspective that we learn through mistakes, and no ‘rule’ can keep us safe. • They are also capable of doing things like opening jars, and have been known to climb up on ships and open the containers of bait for a snack! This ability to surprise others by trying the unexpected made it onto Scott’s ‘short list.’ • The flexibility of the giant octopus is legend. Captive octopi have managed to contort their bodies to fit into things as small as a bottle of aspirin! The octopus can also change colors to blend in with their surroundings. Clearly, my rule-encrusted client could benefit from flexibility, adaptability and a willingness to change his ‘shape’ when appropriate. Scott got very excited about having an image he could bring to mind to remind him of the new behaviors he wants to practice. His computer’s desktop is now a photograph of a giant octopus! And as challenges come up at work he is making consistent attempts to do as his octopus would do—though he hasn’t yet found a way to fit himself into an aspirin bottle! So if you’re finding yourself stumped repeatedly by the same kinds of situations, or you notice that your default responses are not moving you forward, try my animal game. Visualize your selected animal and bring its instinct and energy into your own actions. Just keep the barking to a minimum!