Humans spend a lot of time manipulating data and measuring things. How tall are we? What do we weigh? How much did we earn this year? How many calories are in this salami sandwich? Which movie is better? How many stars do we give this hotel? We rate and compare just about everything. But we often resist truly assessing how we are doing as workers, lovers, parents, friends.

There is a fascinating article in the December 6 issue of the New Yorker that really got me thinking. Titled “The Bell Curve” and written by Atul Gawande, an assistant professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School, the article examines the outcome differences among hospitals or doctors in a particular specialty. While it used to be assumed that these differences were fairly insignificant, it turns out that evidence indicates otherwise: “What you tend to find is a bell curve: a handful of (medical) teams with disturbingly poor outcomes for their patients, a handful with remarkably good results, and a great undistinguished middle.” For example, in ordinary hernia operations, the chances of recurrence range from one in ten when performed by surgeons at the low end of the curve, one in twenty for the vast majority in the middle, and under one in five hundred for a handful of surgeons who are the best of the best in their areas. A study of patients with treatable colon cancer found that the ten-year survival rate ranged from 63% down to 20% depending on the surgeon. Life expectancy for children with Cystic Fibrosis ranges from 30 years to 46 years depending on the Cystic Fibrosis Center where they receive their care. Shocking, scary, disturbing. Makes you really want to do your research statistically around which MDs you select, doesn’t it? But the stats don’t exist and doctors and hospitals have vigorously resisted performance measurements. In Gawande’s article he refers to an extraordinary speech given in 1999 by a very clear thinking man named Don Berwick who distilled his thoughts about the failings of American health care. Berwick argued that to fix medicine, two things need to happen: doctors and hospitals need to measure themselves and be more open about what they are doing. And patients need complete access to all information about their doctors and hospitals. Berwick assumed that a “no secrets” policy would heal the medical system by challenging poor-performing doctors, by enabling patients to ‘shop’ reliably for the best care, and by sharing best practices throughout hospitals and across specialists. Doctors are not alone in wishing to be spared the harsh light of truth. Most of us don’t ask the hard questions of ourselves or of our peers, and as a consequence meander through careers, relationships and friendships with little to no clarity about how well we are doing or how we might improve. Openness drives improvement and yet to protect our image of ourselves, we rarely invite others to honestly judge our performance and share feedback. One notable exception to the ‘see no evil, hear no evil’ occurs in the corporate world by way of annual performance reviews. When these are done with intelligence and care, most people are delighted to learn where they are thriving and where they miss the mark since they walk away with clarity about how to improve. Of course, these reviews hinge all too often on the perceptions of one key person—your boss. So how can an individual get a more global perspective on his strengths and weaknesses? Within the corporate arena, one great way learn how others see you is to request a 360 Degree Assessment. This is a process that collects confidential performance information from multiple perspectives—managers, staff, peers, self – to identify and individual or team’s strengths and developmental areas. By providing feedback on various performance attributes, this kind of assessment enhances awareness, facilitates learning and motivates behavioral change. But what tools can we put to use in the personal arenas of our lives that will help us see ourselves as others see us, and not merely through the particular prism of our own rose colored lens? My recommendation here is to create a modified 360 for yourself and distribute it among people whose opinions matter to you. Think up three to five questions that when answered will give you helpful insight into yourself and those areas where you can improve. Type up your questions and send them out to your list. Ask your friends/family to respond with honesty and human kindness. They should speak the truth and do it in a way you are able to receive. Slams, unkind assertions, mean-spirited responses have ABSOLUTELY NO PLACE on a 360—let your people know the ground rules. Make sure you thank them in advance and on receipt. When you synthesize the responses see if there are themes that emerge. You do not need to address everything just because someone wrote it. Take action on suggestions that resonate with you. So what kind of questions might you ask? What could I start/stop doing that would improve the quality of our friendship/relationship? If I committed to improving one aspect of myself this year, what would you suggest I focus on? How can I be a better friend/partner/parent What makes you feel closest/most comfortable with me? What do I do that sometimes causes you to disconnect? When am I at my most fun? Where am I in my own way? Where am I too hard/easy on myself? What is present when I am at my best/worst? Where am I too comfortable? You get the idea, right? Just tailor your questions so that you get information back that is truly useful to you. If you don’t care where you are most fun, don’t ask the question. Inviting the people who mean the most to you to offer feedback will have an enormous and powerful impact. Including them indicates not only your trust in the relationship, but also your eagerness to grow your own capacity for friendship, love and personal growth. Be prepared for some answers that might sting a little—no matter how gently worded, the truth can be quite eye-opening. Be prepared too for your nearest and dearest to be so intrigued by the 360 that they create one themselves and ask for your feedback