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1.
What's the decision really about
 First
and foremost, when you've got a real choice to make, step
back and shake off all the emotion that surrounds it. How
often have you found yourself saying "No" when you're
not even sure why? Somehow you must get to the core of what
your decision is really about. Boil it down to an easy mouthful:
'This decision is about whether time with my family is as
important to me as this amazing job opportunity with long
hours,' or 'This decision is about 'whether I have the guts
to really tell my boss where the project has gone astray or
whether I'm going to keep my mouth shut and my fingers crossed.'
You get the picture.
You
must come to enough clarity that you can state the choice
and its probable outcome clearly and dispassionately. Ask
yourself what a 'yes' choice would mean for you in terms of
your personal values and objectives and in terms of the impact
it would have on the people at home or the people at work.
Ask yourself the same thing about a 'no' choice.
2.
What's Your Style?
Do you make decisions quickly? Are you a procrastinator—putting
off important decisions because the process of making them
is so hard for you? Do you get an intuitive 'hit' and then
move into action? Do you run to your left brain gathering
all sorts of information, facts, tables, data to help you
get clear on what to do? Do you rely on friends to help you
figure out what's best?
It's
valuable to get a fix on your own style so that you can identify
your default pattern and ensure that you're not short-changing
yourself by doing what comes easily to you. Different decisions
require distinct approaches and it's good to get in the habit
of identifying what style will serve you best. You cannot
decide if Meg is the woman to marry by assembling facts and
data—this is a decision that needs to bubble up from
a deep well of self-knowledge. Conversely, if you're about
to buy a house and are a dyed-in-the-wool procrastinator,
you may watch house after house be gobbled up right under
your nose while you languish on the sidelines.
Know
your style and be prepared to proactively shift to accommodate
a decision.
3.
Make Your Own Choices
Because tough decisions often leave us feeling vulnerable
and uncertain, some people find it easier to get out of the
driver's seat and become a passenger where complex choices
are concerned. They look to friends, and sometimes even strangers!
to make their choices for them. Don't Do This! You
must be the driver in your own life, even if it means that
sometimes the car weaves, stalls or even makes a bad turn
from time to time and you are lost for a while.
Next
time you find yourself wrestling with a challenging choice,
take yourself for a walk, or find a quiet spot where the phone
won't ring, and see if you can get a handle on what you know
is right for you. You may not always make the best decision,
but it will be yours. After all, it's your life, right?
4.
Trusted Advisors
Some decisions may be so complex or so emotionally loaded
that getting the input of one or two treasured advisors can
be a life saver: the fog lifts and you can see the path once
again. Limit your inquiry to just a couple of people or you
run the risk of allowing your decision to be made by committee—a
definite no-no. Ask them for their honesty, listen to their
perspective, and gather any pearls that fall from their lips.
Getting
input is not the same as empowering someone else to
make your decision for you. It's merely an opportunity to
gather the thoughts of a couple of people who know you well,
have your very best interests at heart, and may unfold a new
perspective for you.
5.
Trust Your Gut
While there are some decisions that benefit mightily from
thoughtful analysis, the big life choices require us to touch
base with our intuition—no amount of data crunching will
ever yield a satisfying answer. Freud said:
When
making a decision of minor importance, I have always found
it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital
matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or a profession,
the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere
within ourselves. In the important decisions of personal
life, we should be governed, I think, by the deep inner
needs of our nature.
 Many
of us feel much more comfortable with facts and figures than
with the amorphous nature of our intuition. Our educational
and professional training often are deeply steeped in the
"prove it" mentality: if we can't support a path
of action with data then it must be a poor choice. But where
it comes to matters of the heart and matters of the gut, there
is nothing to actually 'prove.'
There
is a well of deep knowing in each of us that has absolutely
nothing to do with facts. When we allow ourselves to quiet
down and listen, we can connect with our inner wisdom—
and that place of unconscious knowing never lies.
In
fact, when we trust our intuition, the solution to a troubling
decision often emerges effortlessly. We know what we need
to choose if we can only get out of our own way!
6.
Bad Decisions
One of the reasons many of us are so squeamish about biting
the bullet and making the tough choice, is that we're panicked
about making the wrong one. But beyond taking our own lives
seriously. honoring important decisions with adequate thought
and confirming that our choice is ethical, there's no way
to guarantee a good outcome. Period. Paragraph. You can only
do what you can do!
Cruddy
decisions can lead unexpectedly to extraordinary opportunities
and joy, while decisions that appear to all parties as sound
and well-reasoned can upset the apple cart in unanticipated
ways.
So
what's a worrier to do? Accept that there are forces at work
far beyond our control and that there is no way to stack the
deck in your favor beyond taking your decisions seriously,
touching in with your intuition, plunging ahead and adapting
to what comes up.
7.
No Decisions
Theodore Roosevelt once famously said: "In any moment
of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing
you can do is nothing."
 Failure
to make a decision creates a form of life paralysis. We are
stuck and unable to move forward while we either ignore or
wrestle with a thorny dilemma that continues to prick at us
daily.
When
I've had clients who absolutely couldn't make a decision,
I've asked them to toss a coin. 'Heads' represents one decision
path and 'tails' the other. Usually, as soon as the coin lands
and they see what they've 'chosen' they're either much relieved
or quite unsettled. The coin toss can give you very quick
access to your gut—and then the decision may be quite
simple to make.
So,
the next time a big decision sits heavily on your plate, do
the best you can, take comfort in knowing that there's no
way to ensure the 'right' choice, that unexpected consequences
will naturally occur simply because you have put the ball
into play, and that, as Emerson said:
Once
you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
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As
a personal and executive coach, it is my goal to bring dynamic
leadership, a compassionate heart and powerful insight to
the lives of my coaching clients. I work to help clients identify
and pursue what is deeply meaningful in their lives and their
businesses, and collaborates with them to transform vague
yearnings or explicit goals into realities.