How do you know when it's time to let go of enormous hard work and move on? We all face this issue from time to time and there's certainly no clear answer. Each of us has to decide how long we're willing to push the boulder up the mountain and each of us has to decide when and if we're ready to step aside and let go. There is no formula for how you know when enough is enough. But what I want to propose is that sometimes winners have to quit: sometimes quitting is the only way to move forward.

If you're having to struggle, push, toil, pull and heave too much to make something happen in your life, it's what I call 'a force.' Whether the struggle shows up at work, in a job hunt, in a relationship, a project, plans, goals or friendships, if you're working too hard, the results aren't coming your way, you feel heavy and burdened and depleted, it's a force! When you've exhausted all your strategies and tactics and are no closer to the finish line it might be time to back off.

If you're like many of the highly motivated people I coach, you may have a knee-jerk reaction against even considering easing up on the gas much less turning the ignition off altogether. If you have been raised to believe "winners never quit" or "when the going gets tough the tough get going," then in your mind, letting go of hard work that has not born fruit, lands you firmly with the 'losers' and that is a bitter pill to swallow indeed. But the truth is, it is no more noble to struggle than not to. You don't get more gold stars or a happier life and you certainly don't get more ease and peace. And sometimes the unintended result of struggle is merely more struggle.

So, if you're the kind of person who will not take no for an answer, I invite you to think about squeezing your body into jeans that are 3 sizes too small, or jamming a new armoire through a doorway just inches too narrow. Sometimes the fit is wrong and no amount of effort, brilliance, willfulness or commitment will change the outcome. Persistence and tenacity cannot overcome a poor match or poor timing or bad luck and the sooner we look at the truth squarely, the sooner we can let go and move on.

Now, I'm not suggesting that laziness or passivity will create a life of satisfying outcomes—far from it. We all know that some projects come together with such ease it's mystifying while others may take months—or even years—of clever and patient maneuvering and strategizing to see the light of day. It's the same with relationships: there are times when the chemistry is immediate and palpable to both parties and there are times when love develops slowly, over time, surprising everyone. The trick is to get clear on the difference between focused, sustained effort and an endless, uphill climb where you're no closer to the summit than you were when you started.

What I am talking about is getting clear about whether the struggles in your life merit the fight and understanding the toll they exact on your life and happiness. I've got a client who is a terrifically talented architect. He spent almost five years trying to get a house built and battled with himself over the design, the city over zoning restrictions and the bank over financing. He could not let go of his dream and thrashed at it until he had zeroed his bank account and was paying for his life on a Visa card. The house he dreamed of never got built.

We coached around alternative ways for him to develop the property, and he realized that he could renovate the existing structure, add a beautiful deck and quickly turn the albatross around his neck into a tidy profit and move on. Unfortunately for this client, he was so determined to force a square peg into a round hole that his wakeup call came only when his personal financial situation was dire and he had no alternative but to back off and reassess. When he stopped forcing a bad fit and allowed space for new thinking, he solved his dilemma quickly and with great ease. The mind is like a parachute: it works better when it's open!

One of the tools in a coach's kit is what we call the Powerful Question. It's a big one with surprising impact. We use these questions to spark introspection, rethinking, new awareness or new possibilities. A fresh perspective is often the catalyst for change and action.

Where is the struggle in my life and what is it costing me?

About My Coaching:
As a personal, professional and executive coach, it is my goal to bring dynamic leadership, a compassionate heart, and powerful insight to the lives of my coaching clients. I work to help clients identify and pursue what is deeply meaningful in their lives, and collaborate with them to transform vague yearnings or explicit goals into realities.

You can count on me to challenge you, inspire you and support you. I will be a relentless advocate of your dreams and ambitions and help you take bold steps with your life.

My Background:
I am an optimist with a penchant for finding solutions to complex problems in unexpected places. The daily opportunity to use my pragmatism, smarts, humor and heart to help people create lives they truly love gives me tremendous joy.

After graduating from Princeton University, I spent almost 20 years as a feature film, video and CD ROM producer guiding projects to success. By the late 1990's, I decided to channel my action-oriented approach to life into coaching, with the express goal of helping people live lives by design and not default. I completed my professional training at The Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, California.

Call me at (310) 393-8082 for a free 1/2-hour coaching session to explore how coaching may benefit you.

Contact Information:
Dina Silver
361 21st Street
Santa Monica, CA 90402
Phone: 310.393.8082
Fax: 310.395.7999
dinasil@earthlink.net