Several of my clients are exploring the friendships and relationships in their lives with an eye to ensuring that the people in whom they invest their time, energy and love merit these attentions. It takes a pretty clear eye and sometimes the courage to shout "the emperor is wearing no clothes" when we discover that some relationships we have held dear are actually empty vessels sapping us of strength, time and energy.

The energy each of us has to pour into work, into relationships and into ourselves is finite. If we squander it, there is nothing left for the people and dreams that really matter to us—the gas tank sputters and the car stops. With this month's newsletter, I invite you to take a close look at who is front and center in your life, and make sure you really want them there.

Not everyone deserves to have a front row seat in our lives. There are people who drain us, who take from us, who do not have our best interests at heart or who bore us. There are people who will never reciprocate no matter how much we pour into them. And there are people who give us seats to their lives with obstructed sight lines while we keep placing them front and center in prime orchestra locations for the run of our show.

So picture a beautiful, big theatre. Plush seats, middle and side aisles, an intricate carved ceiling, luxurious velvet curtains hanging on either side of the stage. This is the theatre of your life. The unique and extraordinary place where you act out your story, where depending on the choices you make, you are seen or not, heard clearly or not, cherished or not.

This gorgeous theatre is plenty big to hold all the people you will ever connect with in your life. But for now, take a look at whom you've placed in the very best seats. Take a pencil and sketch out the first two rows, jotting down by name who is sitting in your chairs. Who are you playing your life to? What are you receiving from the relationship? Why is this person in one of the best seats in your life? Is this the right spot or does an usher need to come and reseat him?

Now here's the fun part. If you're anything like most of us, there are several people who need to be reseated—and maybe more than a few! Where are you going to reassign them? Back a little but still center orchestra? Far to the side behind a very wide and tall person or maybe even behind a structural column? Up in the balcony where binoculars are the only way to follow the action? Outside the theatre altogether?

Take your sketch of the first two rows and put a line through the people who are in the wrong seats. Now, look closely at who is left. If you've been honest, the people remaining are your real audience. This is the audience that every actor dreams of and that each of us deserves: they hang on the edge of their chairs when the action mounts, laugh along with you when the story is funny, and stand right by your side when the going gets tough. These are the people who fill your life with joy and nourish every fiber of your body. Give these people a lifetime subscription and keep them in the best seats in your house.

Okay. You've discovered who really belongs in the center of your life. How will you begin to reseat your audience? If you're already thinking: 'Well, there's nothing I can do about him, he's my brother—I can't move him up to the balcony,' or 'it will hurt her feelings too much to change the relationship—we've been friends for years,' then you are choosing safety over growth. The truth is, we can reseat anyone at anytime by choosing to engage less or differently or not at all.

You might notice that there are many people who are actually quite easy to reseat. These are the nice, friendly acquaintances in your life who may be receiving an undue amount of your time and energy. You may realize that shortening phone calls with them or meeting less frequently, is all that's necessary to move them back a number of rows and regain some time and energy for yourself. So start with these casual friends and develop the skill of saying 'no' more frequently and protecting your precious time.

How will you negotiate the more challenging reseating? Start by asking yourself what the status quo is costing you and decide if it's worth it. I had a client recently who felt certain that "Bob" was the right man for her. She put him front and center in her life. He was in her thoughts all the time. She created opportunities for lunches and dinners. She cooked for him and shared her heart. She made excuses for the distance he created between them and was so very certain he was her soul-mate, she forgot to notice how little he was sharing of himself. Bottom line: she liked having someone in the "boyfriend" seat.

I asked her how she could be really certain he belonged in the center of her life. She told me she just knew it in her gut. I asked her what single question she really wanted to ask Bob. She wanted to ask him whether he saw a future together. And then she screwed up her courage and did ask him. You probably know what happened: Bob though she was a great friend and was not interested in creating a future with her. Well, my client moved Bob out of her theatre that very moment. She had been wasting time with the wrong guy and realized that as long as someone, even the wrong guy sat in the 'boyfriend' seat, she had closed herself off to other opportunities.

Re-seating can be really uncomfortable—and it can be exhilarating too. Imagine what kind of energy and liberty and calm will be yours when you let go of relationships that don't deliver. Why not give it a shot this month and see who really belongs in the front row of your life.

About My Coaching:
As a personal, professional and executive coach, it is my goal to bring dynamic leadership, a compassionate heart, and powerful insight to the lives of my coaching clients. I work to help clients identify and pursue what is deeply meaningful in their lives, and collaborate with them to transform vague yearnings or explicit goals into realities.

You can count on me to challenge you, inspire you and support you. I will be a relentless advocate of your dreams and ambitions and help you take bold steps with your life.

My Background:
I am an optimist with a penchant for finding solutions to complex problems in unexpected places. The daily opportunity to use my pragmatism, smarts, humor and heart to help people create lives they truly love gives me tremendous joy.

After graduating from Princeton University, I spent almost 20 years as a feature film, video and CD ROM producer guiding projects to success. By the late 1990's, I decided to channel my action-oriented approach to life into coaching, with the express goal of helping people live lives by design and not default. I completed my professional training at The Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, California.

Call me at (310) 393-8082 for a free 1/2-hour coaching session to explore how coaching may benefit you.

Contact Information:
Dina Silver
361 21st Street
Santa Monica, CA 90402
Phone: 310.393.8082
Fax: 310.395.7999
dinasil@earthlink.net