In the wake of the atrocities of September 11, nothing seems more appropriate to write about than monsters. We were attacked by people whose disdain for human life is incomprehensible. My prayer is that this unimaginable tragedy will be a wake up call for all of us—a personal wake up call to transform our lives, to become more aware, more caring, considerate and loving.

In the couple of weeks immediately following the disaster, I noticed in my clients a renewed vigor to move aggressively toward the lives they want and deserve. Coaching 'break-throughs' were happening all around me. My clients were galvanized to clean up messes and take giant steps. A tragedy of this magnitude puts things in perspective; life is fragile and precious and fleeting. Living is not enough: we must be alive.

If you're wondering what kind of monsters could possibly be linked to my coaching practice—and to the lives of every human being I know!—let me introduce you to the concept of gremlins. You may know them by another name: inner critic, negative talk or self-defeating inner voice. Whatever the name, gremlins are the keepers of the status quo. And since coaching is about change, about clients moving out of their comfort zones and going for what they truly want instead of what they think they can have, gremlins show up all the time.

Gremlins are sneaky. They persuade us that their 'voice' is really in our best interest: "It's not worth the risk—you know you never do well in high stress situations, it's not the right job for you" says one gremlin. If your gremlin sounds like this and you listen to him, you rationalize reasons not to stretch, not to change, not to risk. "Money is for saving, for your future, for your retirement." This gremlin goes nuts when you want to spend your money for fun—for holidays, splurges, expensive gifts. He wants you to work, work, work and watch that bank account grow. He's so overwhelmed by security issues that he doesn't appreciate that you might actually want to enjoy the fruits of your labors.

Gremlins come in all shapes and sizes and no two gremlins are really identical. They've forged their identities along with us as we've grown—taking their scripts from what parents, teachers and society at large may have drilled into us. They encourage us to make choices based on what others want, or what will be easiest. Powerful gremlins cause us to settle for what we have and to give up on our dreams. They can become so powerful that it becomes almost impossible to distinguish between the gremlin's voice and our own true desires.

The trend to capitulate to our gremlins is so overwhelming, that without some kind of structure for support, it can be almost impossible for us to stare down the gremlin and keep our vision for our life in clear sight. That's where coaching comes in.

If you take the time to get to know these self-defeating voices, you defuse them of their power. You will start to notice your default reactions in certain situations and begin to be able to separate out whether what you are saying is really what you want.

Some of my clients find it quite useful to personify their gremlins. They'll name them and describe them vividly. Sometimes they even draw them! In the last few weeks I've met Little Green Meanie—who had persuaded her 'owner' that expressing anger would lead to a life with no friends, Mr. Clean—whose perceived power caused one of my clients to live in dread of failure, The Good Fairy—who kept a client smiling and fixing everybody else's problems so that people would love her and Money Bags—who created an uptight scrooge out of an otherwise generous and kind person. You get the idea.

I've had clients who actually find little dolls and elves and trolls that represent a specific gremlin. When one of my clients has a work challenge in front of her, she tosses her gremlin—one of those small trolls with weird color hair—in a drawer. Putting this little plastic toy out of sight reminds her to stay focused and ignore the voice that tells her she's likely to fail so what's the point of trying anyway.

Have some fun with the meeting and greeting of your gremlins. Be creative and playful. Get good at noticing when your little monsters make their appearance. Notice them and ignore them, and put your mind back on the task at hand: your life.

Where am I selling out on myself?

About My Coaching:
As a personal, professional and executive coach, it is my goal to bring dynamic leadership, a compassionate heart, and powerful insight to the lives of my coaching clients. I work to help clients identify and pursue what is deeply meaningful in their lives, and collaborate with them to transform vague yearnings or explicit goals into realities.

You can count on me to challenge you, inspire you and support you. I will be a relentless advocate of your dreams and ambitions and help you take bold steps with your life.

My Background:
I am an optimist with a penchant for finding solutions to complex problems in unexpected places. The daily opportunity to use my pragmatism, smarts, humor and heart to help people create lives they truly love gives me tremendous joy.

After graduating from Princeton University, I spent almost 20 years as a feature film, video and CD ROM producer guiding projects to success. By the late 1990's, I decided to channel my action-oriented approach to life into coaching, with the express goal of helping people live lives by design and not default. I completed my professional training at The Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, California.

Call me at (310) 393-8082 for a free 1/2-hour coaching session to explore how coaching may benefit you.

Contact Information:
Dina Silver
361 21st Street
Santa Monica, CA 90402
Phone: 310.393.8082
Fax: 310.395.7999
dinasil@earthlink.net