How can we best love the people we care most about? Beyond honesty, kindness and compassion, what do the people in our lives really need in order to grow and thrive? Are we holding the reins too tight or is there so much slack that the connection is weak and the commitment to the development of the others in our life uncertain? How can we help the people we love blossom?

Once upon a time a King had three sons. Since all were intelligent, honest and kind, it was hard to choose an heir, and so the king, in the age-old manner of kings—called in a wise man who came up with a pretty clever idea…

The King gathered his sons around him and handed each one a bag of flower seeds. "I'm going on a long journey," he told his boys. "I'll be gone for several years. When I return, I will ask each of you to return the seeds to me. Whoever has protected them best will become my heir."

Well, the first son, thinking he was extremely clever, locked the seeds in a safe. "This way, when my father comes back, I can return them just as they are."

The second son thought, "Hmmm. If I lock them up as my brother has done, they will die-and dead seeds are really not seeds at all. Instead, I'll sell these seeds at the market, and buy fresh seeds upon my father's return. That way, I'll be able to give him back seeds that still contain the possibility for growth."

The third son, of course, had a completely different disposition than his brothers. He went outside into the garden and threw the seeds all over the place.

Well, several years passed and the king returned from his long journey. He was eager to see his sons and learn how they had fared with their flower seeds. The first son opened his safe, and the seeds were all dead, shriveled, and useless. Dad lost his cool: "What! These are the seeds I have given to you? But they had the possibility to bloom into beautiful, sweet smelling flowers-and in your worry and overprotection you have destroyed them. These are not my seeds!" Needless to say, the first son was quite bummed.

The King went to the second son who ran quickly to the market and bought a new bag of flower seeds. "Well" said the King, "you've been more clever than your brother, but after three years it is disappointing to see that you have just been waiting to return seeds to me. You have lacked vision and confidence. In my absence no one has enjoyed the great gifts those seeds were meant to share."

And the third son. Well, the King continued on to his youngest son who lead his father out back to a garden overflowing with the beauty of endless flowers of every color and scent. "I planted this garden from the seeds you gave me, father" said the young man. "Soon, when the season is right, I will collect a bag of healthy seeds and return them to you. But right now the garden is in bloom, and it is not time to collect seeds."

And so it was that the young man who knew how to plant and nurture a garden into glorious blossoms became heir to the kingdom.

If we use the metaphor of a flowering plant, then the seed, the plant and the blossom represent three distinct stages of personal evolution and growth.

The seed is safe inside its hard shell but it is undeveloped and unrealized. It has the potential to flower, but looking at it you have no idea what it might become. We all know people like this—incredible gifts, talents and passions that lie silent and unexplored. How best to love a person who may be too scared to flap his wings? A seed needs to be planted and watered and so does the man, woman or child. If there is a treasured person in your life who needs help getting plugged in to himself and to the world, then offer your help lovingly but directly. Do they need help in focusing in on a dream? Do they need help generating a plan? Do they need introductions? Do they need a gentle nudge, or a tall challenge? Are you willing to commit some of your time to their time?

The plant is much more vulnerable than the seed, and it must pass through many hazards on its way to blooming. It must survive storms, drought, heat and cold. It must survive dogs digging for bones and the neighbor plant invading its root system. It takes great courage to become a plant and if you look around at the people in your world, you will distinguish the plants from the seeds quite easily. Plant people have dreams and despite the risks, they are going after them. When they encounter setbacks they need your support and love and your encouragement to rethink, reposition, retry and recreate. Only the hardy, tenacious plants can make it through the winter. Your faith that they can accomplish their dreams is priceless. On the other hand, sometimes these plant people grow like gangbusters and then the best way to love them is to celebrate their successes and help them stay focused and humble.

If you are lucky enough to love someone who has blossomed then my best advice is to sit back and soak in the delicious beauty. People who have discovered how to weave together courage, passion, empathy and integrity in pursuit of their dreams are rare treasures. You can support them best by letting them grow and bloom and by encouraging them to explore how to keep on growing—even if the new growth is a bold and unsettling departure from what you have come to know.

This month, consider choosing one person in your life who could benefit from a little water and fertilizer. Focus your attention on them, ask them how you can assist them, follow through where you are able. You both might be surprised at the result!

About My Coaching:
As a personal and executive coach, it is my goal to bring dynamic leadership, a compassionate heart and powerful insight to the lives of my coaching clients. I work to help clients identify and pursue what is deeply meaningful in their lives and their businesses, and collaborates with them to transform vague yearnings or explicit goals into realities.

After graduating from Princeton University, I spent almost 20 years as an independent feature film, video and CD ROM producer guiding projects to success. As President of Midwest Film Productions, I honed my skills building productive teams of people, working to intense deadlines, quickly and accurately assessing complex situations and brainstorming and implementing creative solutions. It was during these years that my passion for small businesses emerged.

In my coaching practice I call on my extensive production and business background with the express goal of helping my clients live their lives and create their businesses by design and not default.

I completed my coaches training through the prestigious Coaches Training Institute, completed advanced training and received my certification credential through them as well.

My latest favorite quote: "A goal is a dream with a deadline."

If you are interested in exploring how coaching may be of value to you personally or to your business, I am pleased to offer a ‡ hour complimentary session. Please feel free to give me a call or send me an email.

Contact me:
Dina Silver, CPCC
Pegasus Coaching Group
310-393-8082
dina@pegasuscoachinggroup.com
http://www.pegasuscoachinggroup.com/